A missive from the front lines....

Progress is being made in Championship Mode. Slow progress, but progress none the less. I'm currently slogging my way up the G2 ranks, sitting midway in the D bracket. My win ratio is staying constant, and my skillz may be getting slightly better. I'm certainly picking up new tricks anyway, and my blocking game is improving.

Sagat is no longer the big bad for me, I've got a whole bag of Chun-Li tricks to make him suffer. Ken and Ryu still give me grief with the EX Shoryuken, but I've learned patience and some jab mind-games that can usually draw a whiffable SRK out of over eager Kens. Then a nice throw followed by some cross up EX legs to really ruin their day. Yay!

The current hassles for me are Blanka and Vega. Vega shouldn't really be able to give me so much grief, as he's a great big nonce, but the flying around all over the screen screaming like a girl just totally throws my game off. Mincing shit weasel that he is. Got some tactics working against him, but as he rarely comes up amid the sea of Shotos, it's tough to get any decent practice in.

Blanka on the other hand is a fucking pain. An utter green skinned, spiky haired, turtling, ball throwing fucker. I know that charge characters will turtle a bit by their very nature, Balrog, Guile, Bison etc, but Blanka just seems to have some kind of edge in his defence. Either that or EVERY player I've come across has been godly with him, and somehow, I doubt that...

Still, what really pissed me off this week was playing a German Blanka, who did the whole turtle back "come get me" thing. So I did the same. Faked him out a bit with some dashes, then went in for the attack. Kept my distance as much as possible as I don't fancy an arse full of electricity, but in the end he gets me with an Ultra and it's round one to him. Second round he does EXACTLY the same, so I have to do all the work again, and once again I'm winning and he catches me in the air with his sodding Ultra. Fair play, he wins, but I made him work for it. Annoying but them's the breaks right?

2 secs later I've got a message "FUCK YOU RUNAWAY LAMER". Um, whut now? I'M the runaway? You started it sunshine. And you won, so why the need for the shitty PM? I don't get it, but never mind. Won't be playing him again.

Once more into the breach... KIKOUSHOU!

Cosplay calamities

Gah. It's the bank holiday weekend and thanks to work I've got to spend it at MCM Expo in London, "covering" the gaming side of things and reporting on the general vibe.

Now I might be a geek, no denying it, but there's something terrifying about expos, cons and whatnot. It's the cosplayers I think, that strange little army of oddballs so obsessed with their chosen game, anime or manga that they feel the need to express their love through the medium of dressing up. Like a massive tit.

It wouldn't be so bad if they could do it properly, as some cosplay can look VERY good indeed. Omi Gibson is internet famous for being hot and good with a needle and thread, and she can seemingly become any character she chooses.

Unfortunately, it's not all tidy oriental ladies in skimpy clothes. No, there's a certain type of cosplayer who always chooses the wrong character for their face and body, and that cosplayer is the fat chick. No offence meant to larger ladies, I'm not exactly Jonny Depp whippet thin myself, but I have the sense not to go outside as Mark from BotP, dressed head to toe in skin tight white leather and boots.

These girls don't seem to inhabit the same reality as the rest of us, for some reason thinking that their portliness will be hidden by dressing up as Jill Valentine, or that their flabby rolls will be transformed into sexy curves with the donning of a Felicia getup. Human eyes should not be forced to endure this. Do they not have any friends to tell them they look fucking awful?

It's not just girls either, blokes seemingly have no qualms about dressing up as a character they can never hope to emulate too...

Ah well, each to their own I suppose, but the fact is I'm gonna be stuck in an exhibition hall with these crazies, so i can't be held responsible for taking pics and mocking you mercilessly next week. You nutters.

Vocaloid X SC5 - the ultimate mashup

I love vocaloids. The weird vocoded sound they have. The fact they're not real but some Otaku treat them like they are. And the Strobo Nights tune by vocaloid Miku Hatsune, surely the catchiest bit of computer gen'd singing ever.

Sega are working on a vocaloid game for PSP, which is fairly interesting in itself, but I no longer have a PSP. This however may need to change, as a new screenshot from Sega shows Miku Hatsune in full Ulala Space Channel 5 atire. This is a good thing. A great thing

Not only does the game feature Ulalal dress-up, but you can design your own dance routines too. My inner gay is dancing a tiny camp jig. And squealing excitedly.

I now need a PSP again. Pray for me, I've got get this past my missus. A divorce based on my clearly questionable sexuality may be on the cards...

MS repair centre in remarkably efficient shocker!

Judging by the torrents of abuse and anguish spouting from every single games related internet page ever regarding the trials and tribulations of returning a RROD'd 360 to Microsoft, I was expecting a bit of a saga when mine packed in the other week.

How wrong could I be? Very is the short answer. The chap on the phone was polite, courteous and went through the entire registration procedure with me, and promised me my UPS labels would be with me within 24 hours. They were, and when I booked my collection for the following day with UPS online, they arrived in the time slot allocated.

The entire procedure was trackable on MS's xbox.com website, and i could see when my console had arrived, and when it was repaired. Once it was despatched to me (yesterday) they even auto supplied a tracking number, and I now know my 360 will be back with me on Monday.

Red Ringed on the 5th, collected on the 7th, repaired and back to me by the 18th if all goes well. No hassle, no kicking and screaming required, no mix-ups or rebooking collections.

I GUESS they have had enough experience with all the borked consoles to perfect the process, but hey, for once I'm impressed, so well done MS. Let's just hope you've fixed my box...

J-pop earworm of the week - Perfume: One Room Disco

Disuko! Disuko! Wa-an Rooom Disuko!

I was trying to pick someone else this week, as Perfume were chosen last Friday, but their latest signle has drilled it's way into my skull. Not a patch on previous stuff, but still catchier than herpes, One Room Disco has some nice synchronised dancing and a catchy chorus. Not sure on Nocchi's hair though, as it appears to be morphing into a helmet...

Tiger? TIGER!

Ever since Street Fighter IV hit the home console scene I've had something of a love/hate relationship going on with it. I love the game to bits, don't get me wrong, but the online play and more specifically the online players drive me to distraction.

For a long while it was endless Ken spam, and it grew very very tiresome, to the point I gave up Ranked play and just messed around in Player matches. Things here were much better, with a greater variety of players enjoying actually PLAYING, rather than just picking a character they can spam high priority and powerful moves out of.

Then the Championship pack appeared, and warily, I dipped Chun-Li's delicate virtual toes in the online pool. Things were good - the new double blind character select stopped people picking JUST to counter you, and ended the pointless "you pick first" mentality that 80% of players seem to have online. Character variety was good, with a lot of different characters finally getting some use. It couldn't last though...

Within a week a new and insidious tactic had emerged - Sagat spam. With nearly every other match being against a Sagat, it didn't take long for his shit to get soooo tired. The fucker is super powerful, with a ludicrous priority on his Tiger Knee and Tiger Uppercut, and coupled with his high/low Tiger Shots, he soon becomes an utter pain in the arse. Not because he's particularly difficult to get round with these tactics, but because it's as boring as fuck. YES IT IS.

Add in an easily combo'd HUGELY powerful Ultra attack, and christ almighty, everyone is suddenly a Sagat convert. Lame. I enjoy winning, but I won't pick a character JUST to win. I'm sure there's plenty of long time Sagat players out there, and there are also plenty of damn fine Sagat players, but unfortunately at the moment he just looks like the spam chara of choice. Even my wife laughs when she sees yet another Sagat appear in Championship mode.

So, I took a week off, as it was starting to really really get on my nerves, and things have slightly improved. There's still a fuckton of Sagat's giving it the old Tiger? Tiger! treatment, but there's plenty of other stuff mixed in there as well. Shame most of it's Akuma, Ryu and Ken, but whatever. I've finally had some Chun vs Chun matches, Sakura pops up occasionally, and I'm starting to develop a decent game agasint Vega/Balrog/Guile, who I never got to fight before.

So after a break away going cold turkey, I'm back and more hooked than ever. Despite the anger, despite the infuriation, despite the endless cries of "TIGER", I'm still playing, still battling away, still going for "Just one more bout" before dinner/the dishes/work/bedtime.

I just can't quit Street Fighter IV. Even if I wanted to, I don't think I could step away. It's easily the best game of this generation, and it's got me by the balls.

Ouch.

THREE. RED. LIGHTS!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH!

I should have known. I should have realised. It was all going so smoothly.

It's been at least 18 months since I've had any Xbox 360 issues, with my latest HDMI enabled model soldiering on like a trooper. Or like it was made by SEGA. THEY knew how to build hardware to last.

So I grew complacent, almost forgetting just what a poorly designed, cheaply made piece of shit the 360 actually is. I bought a fuckton of Live points. I bought OutRun Online on Saturday, and got stuck in. Space Invaders Extreme was due this week, and Marvel vs Capcom 2 is about 7 weeks away. All was good...

...and then the fucking RROD struck, without warning, without cause. One minute I was playing OutRun, then I switched off the console to make dinner. The next it wouldn't turn on, just grinding noisily and flashing it's fiery red ring at me. The bastard.

Called the dreaded Xbox 360 help line, and to my surprise they were helpful and fairly efficient. It's getting collected tomorrow, and should be 2-3 weeks turnaround. Which is fair enough as it's out of warranty, and it's getting fixed for free, but it still leaves me without access to most of my current favourite games for a few weeks. Looks like me, my DS Lite, and my Jap PS2 will be getting re-acquainted. I'm NOT playing the sodding Wii.

If MvC2 comes out before my 360 is back, I think I'll explode. Time is ticking MS...

J-Pop earworm of the week - Perfume: Polyrhythm

After slowly weaning myself off Girls Generation's ludicrously catchy Gee, I've found myself dragged back to my usual J-Pop fix of choice - Perfume. Specifically "Polyrhythm", as it's just a perfect slice of computer generated vocoded future bubblegum heaven. Enjoy!